Goldfish and Overalls
by Irrelevancy
Summary: Gustavo left the boys with the task of writing their new hit single– a love song about themselves, including Goldfish, overalls, and camels. OT4: Kendall/Logan/Carlos/James. Rated T for suggestive moments.


**A/N: ****Rated T for suggestive content. Teenage boys, after all.**

**THIS IS AN OT4 FIC. Which means, it actively ships Kendall/Logan/Carlos/James. All four of them. Together. Not your cup of tea? Completely understandable. Please do not read.**

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><p>"DOGS!" Gustavo bellowed, and Kendall didn't understand why the rest of the band still flinched whenever their producer just raises his voice a little bit. They were probably more than used to having their eardrums blown out every afternoon now. Lord knows Kendall was, but he snapped into attention anyways, fighting hard to stand at the completely ridiculous parade rest, like James was doing (was Camille helping him with another acting role?) with gusto. Gustavo paced in front of them, every bit the role of the drill sergeant, down to the way he inspected every band member from head to toe, inspecting their unified wardrobe before making a disgusted face. Kendall rolled his eyes, because he knew that Gustavo was just as used to Big Time Rush's dress sense as they were of his ability to put eardrums to eternal rest. Were they just playing a part here, as if they were some comedy show, and the cringing-stand-at-rest-for-inspection thing was some kind of running gag? Kendall couldn't help the little chuckle that came out from the sheer ridiculousness of that idea. Them? A TV show? Who would ever want to watch that?<p>

"Dogs!" Gustavo yelled again, less loud this time, as per the script Kendall guessed everybody had but him, because James, Carlos, and Logan were staring straight ahead with attentive looks on their faces. Kendall slouched his shoulders even more and tried to bury his ears in the warm wool of his beanie. Gustavo barely glanced at him. "You guys will be writing me a song by the end of today!"

"Wait, what?" The moment Logan spoke, it was like some kind of soundtrack that had been playing in the background suddenly screeched to a stop. Kelly lifted her finger from the pause button, put down her earphones, and made The Face (despite the fact that she has many The Faces and no one knew exactly what _The_ Face was).

"You heard me," Gustavo said, crossing his arms to make himself seem more intimidating, but just made him look rounder and all that more tempting to knock over and jump on. Carlos frequently wondered whether or not he would bounce, or sink into the fatty tissue covered with skin and expensive fabric from Foreignlandia. "I want you guys to write a song, _any_ song, by the end of today."

"Er, _why_?" Kendall asked, because it was the only sensible question nobody seemed to have thought of to ask. A vein bulged at Gustavo's neck as he turned towards Kendall.

"_Because,_" he answered as he shoved his signature shades over his eyes, "_this_ record producer _right here_ is a kind-hearted soul who wishes to grant his four young, arrogant, foolish, unlucky, monkey-like, disrespectful, _disgraceful_–"

"Get to the point," Big Time Rush and Kelly said together. Gustavo huffed.

"–Like I said, my four _disgraceful _charges, I will grant your dearest wish, and make you guys write your own songs! Yay!"

The silence that followed wasn't as much of a mad-that-you're-making-us-work silence, because frankly, despite the _incidents_ regarding the last time Big Time Rush tried to write a song, James had tons of fun coming up with "Oh Yeah" and beating up Kendall (or the other way around, Kendall would claim, would _lie_ if you ask him) with a mic stand. No, it was more of a suspicious-because-Gustavo-is-anything-_but_-kind-hearted-so-he-must-have-something-up-his-sleeve silence. Nobody liked that kind of silence, but were all stubborn enough to keep it up, until Kelly finally rolled her eyes, a gesture she claimed was part of The Face.

"Gustavo doesn't have his muse– his lucky gold ring," she explained, and Gustavo let out a wail so loud it shook the ground beneath the unsuspecting hot dog vendor outside Rocque Records. He sobbed loudly into his assistant's shoulder, and she petted him on the head, giving the boys another one of The Faces. "He left it at his mother's house when he visited for Thanksgiving. We're driving up right now to get it, because without it, he can't write."

James held up a hand to keep her from going any further, because any more back story would result in a side plot, and it wasn't something The Pretty One liked to deal with, as it would most likely mix with the main plot (that would be him) and take the attention away from the main character (which, naturally, would also be him). Kelly nodded once, and dragged Gustavo off to keep their side plot running where it belonged– at the side. James smiled, satisfied, before turning to his friends.

"Alright, I call Logan," he quickly said. Kendall quirked his left eyebrow, and James grumbled something rather unprintable because he couldn't lift his left eyebrow as much as he could his right, and Kendall knew that, the smug bastard.

"For what?" Kendall asked, and James smirked, because while his friend was smart, James was smarter, and Logan the smartest. So smarter plus smartest was definitely more smarts than just smart and... Carlos. Not that Carlos wasn't smart– he was just smart in a way that regular smarts refused to be quantified, and since James had regular smarts, he didn't bother trying to quantify Carlos's smarts. It was much easier just to call it Carlos.

"For the songwriting, of course!" James exclaimed, throwing an arm over Logan's shoulder and drawing him in, pressing Logan against the side of his chest and shaking him a little. "I say me and Logan finish a song faster than you and Carlos."

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up." Carlos held up a hand, palm flat out for Pause. Big Time Rush respected the Pause. "Who said we were going to split up again? Last time was an accident, because I came up with the Oh song you guys didn't like. Now, we're not arguing, so we can write the song together."

"Yeah," Logan agreed, and James drew his hand back with a hurt expression. Logan was unfazed. "Besides, James, it's 'Logan and I,' not 'me and Logan.'"

"I don't have to put your name first," James scoffed.

"Uh, _yeah,_ according to grammar, you do," Logan scoffed right back.

"Yeah well, I don't care what Grammar says," James huffed. "So there."

Kendall sighed, and Carlos put his helmet on, giving its side its two perfunctory slaps.

"Alright guys, let's get to writing," he cheered, then sucked in a huge breath, holding it in with a constipated expression.

"Uh, what is he doing?" Logan asked.

"This was how he wrote the Oh song last time," Kendall explained in a whisper. "Wait for it."

They waited for It, whatever It was, and when It came in the form of a catchy melody from Carlos's mouth, Logan tossed in some beatboxing. Kendall and James quickly caught on and added in their own layers and harmonies. It was all rather surreal and quite possibly impossible, but Big Time Rush liked to go at a quick pace, so nobody was complaining. The boys grinned at each other.

"That was so _cool!_" Carlos hopped excitedly a couple of times and smashed a lamp. Too used to it to care, Big Time Rush didn't flinch at all.

"Now all we need are lyrics," Kendall said, turning to Logan and bowing aside with an elaborate waving-hand-gesture-thing. "And how do we go about achieving this goal, professor?"

"Well, before we get into eye-rhymes, inside rhymes, alliteration, assonance, and all that good stuff," Logan said cheerfully to his friends' blank faces. "I say we think about our audience. Who are we singing this song to?"

"Love songs are classic," James said. Kendall made a face.

"Eh, we already have way too many love songs," he said, and Carlos agreed with a shrug.

"Songs about partying, also," Logan added, keeping a wary eye on Carlos and James, who predictably looked like they were going to be sick at the idea that the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood would ever have too many songs about partying. "Yes, they are catchy and fun, but who wants to listen to songs about partying and dancing all day? Who _normal_," he quickly corrected before the very indignant Carlos and James could cut in.

"It's just easier to write about love and partying," Kendall mitigated. "Since we're teenage boys and that's pretty much all we know."

"We can write about hockey?" Carlos suggested. James made a face and shook his head.

"We're not gonna rewrite _High School Musical_," he said, dragging over a chair and plopping down, striking his Thinker pose. "Now, if I were a song, what would I be about?"

"Clothes," Logan answered.

"Hair," Kendall replied.

"Hair _products_," Carlos added. James had half a heart to feel offended, but figured they were probably right.

"Then let's–"

"NO."

James looked woundedly at his three best friends. Logan sighed.

"Look, how hard can it be? We just have to write a song about something we all know."

"The only thing we all know is..." Carlos huffed, conjuring up a chair and sitting down next to James, sprawled against its back. "Well, us."

Kendall snapped, like he does when he gets good ideas. They all love it when Kendall snaps.

"That's it!" he shouted rather unnecessarily. "We'll write about us, Big Time Rush!"

"We already did," Logan pointed out, and James and Carlos joined in to sing, "_Oh, oh, oooh, oh._"

"That's not what I'm talking about," Kendall said impatiently. "I meant, Big Time Rush. _Us._"

"Like... Us?" Logan moved his hands like he was swimming, meaning Us, the band, Big Time Rush. Kendall shook his head.

"Us?" Carlos moved his hand like he was swinging a hockey stick, meaning Us, the most awesome four bros that has ever moved to Hollywood from Minnesota. Kendall shook his head.

"You mean... _Us?_" James made a circle with one hand and thrust his index finger on the other hand through, meaning– Well, they all knew what he meant. To everybody's surprise, Kendall nodded.

"You want to write a song about _us?_" It couldn't possibly be healthy, the way Logan's voice would go all high like that. But it was good for singing harmonies, and Logan was the smart one anyways. He would know if something was wrong with himself, and take care of it. He made the same gesture as James. "Like, _us_ us?"

"Yes!" Kendall grabbed Logan's shoulders to yank Logan around to focus on him. Unfortunately, being a hormonal teenager, this had the opposite effect, as Kendall witnessed Logan's usually bright, intelligent eyes glaze over in what must be _some_ daydream, one that described in solid and possibly sordid details exactly _why_ Kendall would manhandle Logan like that, pull the other boy close so that they were almost nose-to-nose...

"Are you guys gonna make out or explain?" Carlos sounded like he wouldn't mind either way, and by the way James's eyes were shining, his hands edging their way to Carlos's waist, he wouldn't mind all that much either. Kendall cleared his throat, and tried to remember his plan.

"Right, okay!" Logan, Carlos, and James looked disappointed, but Kendall, if no one else, needed to keep their priorities in check. There would be plenty of time for... dream-fulfillment later on. In the night. In a bedroom. Where nobody could walk in and see the four boys in potentially embarrassing positions (Kendall really didn't want to be threatened by the public exposure of his butt again). "So since we're all together, we'll write a love song about _us_."

"I thought you said we weren't gonna write another love song?" said Carlos. Kendall shook his head.

"I meant we're not gonna write another _classic_ love song," he reiterated. Carlos and James traded confused looks, while Logan was nodding slowly, his hand to his chin, brow furrowed, deep in thought.

"It is true that a huge number of pop songs in society today are all about the _classic_ love," he said. "Falling in love, being in love, breaking up, wanting somebody to notice you... There are rarely fresh subject matters."

"That's because there's not much else," James argued. "Isn't that sort of what all love is?"

"Describe _us_, James," Kendall requested out of the blue. "What would you say _we_ are?"

"_We_ are four best friends, following our dreams..." he answered uncertainly. Only Logan seemed to be following Kendall's train of thought.

"_Tonight, the city's ours,_" Logan sang, and this seemed to spark something inside Carlos, for he jumped to his feet in excitement. Now James was the only one sitting, a befuddled look on his face (and if Carlos was feeling mushy enough, he'd say that that look on James was positively adorable).

"_So we take what comes and we keep on going,_" Carlos sang, and with a grin, Kendall joined in, "_leaning on each other's shoulders._"

Carlos, Kendall, and Logan all watched for any sign of understanding on James's face. A long moment passed. Then, finally, James didn't look _as_ confused anymore.

"So you mean–" Logan quickly interrupted James.

"Nuh uh. You gotta sing it." Kendall and Carlos nodded in agreement, and James concentrated.

"Uh, _If it's wrong I'll try something new, don't _look away...?" A beat, and Logan shrugged.

"Eh, close enough."

"So we write a fresh love song, all about _us_, because _we_ are anything but cliche," Kendall said in the tone of someone announcing a grand finale. Carlos and Logan grinned and bumped fists. James pretended that he understood all along.

"And since we don't want to out us, we'll be careful with pronouns," Logan said. James _didn't_ pretend like he understood, gladly reveling in his ignorance along with the blank look Carlos's face. Kendall waved absent-mindedly.

"Yeah, 'course," he said breezily, jogging across the studio lobby to get his guitar, then beckoning the guys into one of the sitting rooms. "C'mon, the song's not gonna write itself!"

In the end, the song _did_ kind of write itself, because Carlos remembered the pain of holding his breath for the perfect lyrics and melody, and James remembered the blankness in his mind without one of the ladies he had to smooth-talk (because let's face it– the ladies were scary) and sing to– compared to writing "Oh Yeah," this song was one of the easiest they've ever written.

"Yeah, one more time from the top!" James cheered. This was how the song went:

_We met one day in the fall_

_When you asked me where I got my overalls_

Kendall came up with the first part, though it was technically still summer when he first met James. They had agreed that creative license trumped real life, though, and pretended, instead of a field of grain, shining more blindingly golden than the sun, James had approached Kendall in a pumpkin patch. True to Beauty King nature, the first words out of James's mouth had not been any kind of greeting, but a brutally honest comment about how surprised James had been that Kendall was wearing something that looked good. James had been living at his mom's summer cottage (in the fall) right beside the field, back when his parents were still together, and Kendall's summer camp (in the fall) was right up the hill. They had gotten into a fight soon after their first conversation, and by the end, James had mud all over his face and Kendall walked away with his overalls ripped.

_The skies were cast with clouds that day_

_But when I asked for some of your Goldfish, you still said okay_

James wrote this part, because Carlos had always been the nice one since they were little kids, and when they met at kindergarten, Mama Garcia always packed his son bagfuls of healthy foods to snack on. Carlos had been more than happy to make a friend, even if it meant sacrificing his food, and James just liked the feeling of having someone give him food whenever he asked to, so both had been surprised when one day when Carlos forgot his lunchbox, instead of leaving Carlos behind to play at the arts and crafts table with the girls that always wanted James to draw them pictures (he had always been good with colors), James invited Carlos over to the monkey bars to play. At lunch, he even gave half his Bologna sandwich to Carlos (given, it was only because he hated Bologna– had it been turkey, there was no way Carlos would've gotten any). The two had been inseparable ever since, seen at every turn of the playground, either eating or doing something that involved dirt.

_And that was it for me_

_I knew that we were meant to be_

Logan said it needed to be clear what the subject matter was, so added those two "girly love song" lines and stood his ground when the guys gave him grief, which inspired Carlos to write the next part of the song:

_Everybody told me that you were lame_

_But I know the truth is you just don't care for fame_

_Well yes, admittedly, you were a little bit dorky_

_And up until ninth grade you were a cute little shorty..._

"I was not!" Logan protested hotly, and Kendall just laughed as James patted the top of his head. This was obviously inviting a short lull in their music-making progress, as Logan tackled James to the ground, who managed to pull Carlos down with him, that turned into a three-minute wrestling match. Kendall provided commentary and background music on his guitar until Logan took hold of his shoe and pulled him into the fray.

Another two minutes later, as the boys sat panting and frazzled on the ground, Logan was still pouting.

"I was _not_ short," he protested. "Kendall was shorter than me in middle school!"

"I was not!" It was Kendall's turn to be indignant. "We were the same height!"

"This is true," Carlos agreed. "I remember measuring you guys at that carnival once. Both of you were six corn dogs high."

"I was seven," James said smugly.

"Only 'cause you were horizontally challenged," Logan grumbled, which, of course, led to another tackle war. Two and a half minutes later (the average time it took for Carlos to eat two corn dogs), Logan sat back onto his couch, rubbing at a sore spot on his leg.

"My turn," he demanded, and when Logan's voice got like that, Kendall could do nothing but oblige.

_To say you were pretty I would never dwindle_

_Your eyelashes had been as long as Kendall's_

_When we went walking around in the city_

_Everyone would say, "Girl, you're so pretty!"_

The members of Big Time Rush tackled each other far too often, Kendall thought as he watched Carlos try to stuff his stinky sock down the back of Logan's pants, all the while yelling something about being smooth-skinned and fine-boned over Logan's hysterical laughter. Kendall rolled his eyes because his friends were being ridiculous. James nodded in agreement, because they all knew _he_ had _always_ been the pretty one.

"And what happened to no names, Logan?" Kendall called. Logan and Carlos were now in a position that vaguely resembled the reverse cowboy, but was far too stupid-looking to come across as sexual. They didn't stop, and Logan yelled, in between breaths,

"Word– rhymes– Kendall–"

"Camel!" James shouted gleefully. "Camels have long eyelashes, and rhymes with Kendall!"

"_To say you were pretty I would never dwindle. Your eyelashes had been as long as a camel's_?" Kendall sounded justifiably dubious, and James was, in turn, justifiably offended.

"Yeah well, _dwindle_ is a stupid word, so." James actually stuck out his tongue. Kendall smothered the urge to pull on it, or bite on it, or lick it...

"_No_," he gasped weakly but resolutely when he realized that James was halfway in his lap, and Logan and Carlos were staring from the ground, mouths practically watering. "Song first. Making out later."

"You're no fun," Carlos complained, but dutifully got back to his seat to sing the chorus. Logan made a face and followed with. Kendall gently pushed James back in the direction of his own seat, and tapped his feet on the ground for the beat. While Kendall loved singing, hearing the sound of his voice echo around him, in sync and tuned to the music, he loved singing with his friends the most, because somehow, in all their brusque bro-ness with each other (the wrestling, the pranks, the pushing each other off stage...), they've reached a perfectly synchronized equilibrium that reflected how they were in real life. Carlos was the bass, the constant in not only their harmonies but in their friendship as well, because while he may lack direction, he was on a default of BEST BUD when it came to his friends. James was on the opposite end of the spectrum, always taking the high parts, because his willingness to trust people to support him as he soared through the air was a source of inspiration and incentive for many to take hold and covet that trust– it had been why Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were so gung ho about helping James achieve his dream. Logan always did something different– the layering, a random part in the harmony, beatboxing– because he's good at knowing what he's doing, the trustworthy one that always gets shit done, at the lack of a better term, whether the band needed science projects or him to get more swag. Last but not least, Kendall, who had a Logan-esque role as the band's Jack of all trades, but was ultimately the one that brought all the sounds together, whether it was joining Carlos on different parts of the bass line, accompanying James on a duet, or thumping on his guitar while Logan beatboxed. He was their ragtag crew's leader through and through.

"Five, six, seven..."

_And we promised to never say "I love you"_

'_Cause we all know that it wouldn't be true_

_We've come too far to just be "in love"_

_or cheesy lines like "you came from above"_

_All I know is that when you're with me_

_We can sing this perfect harmony_

Their last notes hovered in the air, resonating between the sound-proof walls of the room. As they sang, none of the boys thought about their album, their careers, their fans. None of them thought about their upcoming concert, if the song was good enough to be played, how it would be played. None of them thought about a overzealous crowd cheering them on. Instead, they thought of what they've always thought of when performing, whether in the studio or in front of ten thousand screaming fans– they thought about each other. They thought about each other at their sides, how fortunate they were that this warmth linked them forever to each other, binding them to become one single entity. Performing, they weren't just Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James. They were _Big Time Rush_.

"Carlos, are you _crying_?" James suddenly asked, breaking the moment. Carlos looked at James with big eyes obviously filled with tears.

"I– I'm not– So what if I am?" he sniffed. James instantly jumped onto him, holding on with two long arms.

"Good, 'cause I am too," he wailed. "That was so beautiful!"

Kendall wanted to roll his eyes at his friends' dramatics, but found that he could only smile fondly at James and Carlos. When he saw that Logan had pretty much the same earnest expression, he found himself laughing.

"Well, we're done with that!" Logan pumped his fist in the air and whooped, as Kendall leaned his guitar against the wall. He turned around, as he simultaneously turned on his patented I'm Hot and I Want You so Come Hither smoldering look. James, Carlos, and Logan instantly flocked to his side. He tossed an arm around his friends and began guiding them out, a wicked smile appearing on his lips.

"Let's go practice our _harmony_ at home some more, shall we?"

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><p><strong>AN: Inspired by Big Time Songwriters and a random jam session I had with a friend. The first lines of the song we came up with went:**

_**We met one day in the fall**_

_**When you tried to get me out of my overalls**_

_**And you kicked my heart in the balls**_

_**So now I run out of the shower to answer your calls**_

**...So.**

**I tried to make the song as cheesy as I could, but I think I sort of failed on the funny front, so I decided to take a turn for the unusually serious. Except not really. I even have a melody for the song. Sang it and everything.**

**Tell me what you think? I felt so accomplished after finishing NaNoWriMo that I immediately wrote this. It's the shortest and least plottiest of my BTR fics so far... I think hormones are slowly edging me towards writing humorous, somewhat plotty smut for BTR. I feel like such a disgrace. :\**

**But my offer still stands! Please tell me your favorite ship, if not the OT4, and episodes/moments/songs with them!**


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